Holding Space for Loss: Counselling Support After Miscarriage

Miscarriage is a word that carries immense emotional weight, yet it is often met with silence and misunderstanding. As a Registered Clinical Counsellor at Reverie Therapy in Maple Ridge, BC, I know this firsthand, not only because I have personally experienced miscarriage, but also because I have had the privilege and responsibility of supporting many others through this profound loss. If you’ve been through a miscarriage, you likely understand how quickly the world around you seems to move on, while you may feel frozen in time, struggling to make sense of what has happened.

The Heavy Silence Surrounding Miscarriage

One of the hardest parts of miscarriage is how invisible the grief can feel. Society tends to minimize or avoid talking about pregnancy loss. People may say things like “It wasn’t meant to be” or “At least it happened early,” which can unintentionally dismiss your pain. From my experience as a counsellor who has witnessed countless stories of heartbreak, I can say this clearly: your grief is valid, your loss is real, and you deserve space to mourn.

Miscarriage is not “just a medical event.” It is a deeply emotional experience that affects your body, mind, and spirit. For many, it shatters hopes and dreams that were already taking shape long before the pregnancy ended.

When the Medical System Overlooks the Emotional Impact

The medical system tends to focus on the physical aspects of miscarriage, such as managing symptoms or preventing complications, while minimizing or overlooking the emotional toll it takes. You may have experienced clinical appointments where your loss was treated as routine, your feelings barely acknowledged, or your grief dismissed as something to “move past” quickly.

This lack of emotional support from providers you trusted with your care during pregnancy can leave you feeling isolated, unheard, and misunderstood. It’s important to know that your emotional pain is just as important as your physical recovery. Healing after miscarriage involves more than your body; it requires space for your heart and mind to grieve. If you’ve felt let down by the healthcare system in this way, you are not alone—and your feelings are completely valid.

To Those Who Have Been Trying to Conceive

If you’ve been trying to conceive for weeks, months, or even years, the emotional investment runs incredibly deep. You may have carefully tracked every sign of ovulation, anticipated every symptom, and held onto hope with every passing day. For some, loving a little being inside you begins the moment you see that positive test, and sometimes even before.

Having walked this path myself, I know how heartbreaking it can be to lose not only the pregnancy but also the dream you were nurturing. The loss is compounded by the exhaustion of trying, the frustration of waiting, and the tender hopes that may have already begun to blossom into plans for the future.

You poured your love into this pregnancy, week after week, and when it ends prematurely, the grief can feel overwhelming and complex. It is a deep, multifaceted sorrow that deserves recognition and compassionate support.

To Those Who Weren’t as Attached to the Pregnancy

It’s also important to acknowledge that not everyone forms an immediate or strong emotional bond with their pregnancy, and that’s completely okay.

Maybe the pregnancy was unplanned. Maybe you were still coming to terms with what it meant to be pregnant or uncertain about your feelings toward parenthood. Maybe you didn’t feel connected to the pregnancy at all, and now you find yourself questioning whether your experience is valid or if you should feel differently.

From my counselling experience, I can assure you there is no “right” way to feel after a miscarriage. Some people experience grief, some feel numbness, others confusion or relief, and all of these reactions are valid. What matters most is honoring where you are emotionally and giving yourself permission to feel your truth, whatever it may be.

You Are Not Alone

Miscarriage affects approximately 15% to 25% of pregnancies in Canada, making it a common but often silent experience (Public Health Agency of Canada, 2020). Despite its prevalence, many people suffer in isolation, unsure of how to talk about their loss or where to find support.

Having both experienced miscarriage myself and supported numerous clients through theirs, I deeply understand the need for compassionate, trauma-informed care. Whether your loss happened recently or some time ago, healing can begin when you feel truly seen and heard.

A Space for Healing

If you’re reading this and feeling overwhelmed by grief or confusion, know that counselling at Reverie Therapy can provide a safe and supportive space to process your experience. You don’t have to explain your feelings or make your loss fit into someone else’s expectations. Instead, therapy offers an opportunity to explore your emotions at your own pace, in your own way.

I am here to walk alongside you. Whether your miscarriage came after years of trying, was unexpected, or left you feeling unsure about what you’re feeling at all. Your experience matters, and your healing journey is unique.

If you feel ready to explore counselling, I invite you to book a session that suits your needs.

Warmly,
Jess

References

Public Health Agency of Canada. (2020, December 16). Chapter 7: Infographic: Perinatal loss in Canada. Government of Canada. https://www.canada.ca/en/public-health/services/publications/healthy-living/infographic-perinatal-loss-canada.html