Preparing for Baby? Don't Forget to Prepare for the Two of You
When you're expecting, the to-do list seems endless. There are prenatal classes to attend, a nursery to set up, car seats to install, and books about feeding and sleep stacked on the nightstand. Every one of these things matters. But there's one part of your life that rarely makes the list, even though it will change as much as anything else: your relationship.
What happens to couples after baby
In my work as a counsellor, I see the same story again and again. Two people who love each other bring home a baby, and somewhere in the blur of sleepless nights, shifting roles, and endless to-do lists, they start to lose each other. Conversations become logistics. Small frustrations go unspoken until they come out sideways at 3am. By the time many couples reach my office, months or even years later, misunderstandings have hardened into painful patterns.
Research from the Gottman Institute found that about two-thirds of couples experience a significant drop in relationship satisfaction in the first few years after having a baby. Most of the time, the cause is exhaustion, new responsibilities, less time together, and important conversations that never quite get had.
Why "we'll figure it out" isn't enough
Most couples go into parenthood planning to figure it out as they go. It makes sense. The relationship often feels like the one thing that will take care of itself.
The trouble is that the first months with a newborn are the hardest possible time to have big conversations. You're running on little sleep, your patience is thin, and there's rarely a quiet moment to talk. Decisions about who does night feeds, how to handle visiting family, or what to do when one of you is struggling tend to get made in the moment, under stress, often without both people feeling heard.
Having those conversations before your baby arrives, while you still have the time, energy, and sleep to really listen to each other, can make a meaningful difference.
Introducing Us, Plus One
That's why I created Us, Plus One: Preparing Your Relationship for Parenthood. It's a six-session program for expecting couples, designed to be completed during pregnancy. Each session focuses on one part of life after baby:
Getting to Know Us, Again: who you both are right now, and how your own upbringing shapes the parents you want to be
Mental Health for Both of Us: recognizing postpartum mood and anxiety concerns in both partners, and planning how you'll support each other
Sharing the Load: building a realistic plan for night feeds, household tasks, and the invisible mental load
Conflict When We're Exhausted: understanding your conflict pattern and practising ways to repair after hard moments
Staying Connected: small rituals for closeness, intimacy after baby, and how parenthood changes each of you
Our Village and Our Plan: your support network, boundaries with family and visitors, and the family culture you want to create
The program draws on research from the Gottman Institute and Emotionally Focused Therapy, along with specialized training in perinatal mental health. Each session builds one part of your First Year Together plan, so you finish with a written plan in your own words, plus optional worksheets and between-session exercises.
A counsellor who already knows you
One of the things I value most about this program is what happens after it ends. If the first year brings challenges, as it does for many families, you'll already have a counsellor who knows you, your relationship, and your plan. Reaching out means calling someone familiar rather than starting over. Postpartum check-in sessions are available any time after your baby arrives, whether you book them ahead as part of your plan or as needed.
Is Us, Plus One right for you?
Us, Plus One is for any couple expecting a baby, whether it's your first or you're growing your family, and welcomes all couples and all paths to parenthood. You don't need to be having relationship difficulties to join. Many couples come in feeling strong and connected, and want to protect what they have.
Sessions are 80 minutes, available in person or virtually.
You're preparing for birth. You're preparing for feeding and sleep. Us, Plus One is how you prepare for the two of you.
With Warmth,
Jess